


Black Hat Doesn't Know What Bath Bombs Are

by robofennec



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Black Hat is clueless as usual, Crack, Demencia is... Demencia, Drabble, Flug is a nervous wreck, Gen, Humor, Lush, M/M, implied paperhat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robofennec/pseuds/robofennec
Summary: Demencia introduces Black Hat to bath bombs. Being the idiot he is, he assumes they're a devious creation to put in one's bath to blow them up.He's wrong.





	Black Hat Doesn't Know What Bath Bombs Are

**Author's Note:**

> ive had this idea for so long and i figured the rest of the fandom would appreciate black hat being black hat
> 
> this is my first villainous fic and im not sure how i feel about it
> 
> also, this turned into subtle paperhat but it can be read as platonic so

“Heeeeyyy Blackie!” Demencia shrieked in her usual high pitch. She dangled from the ceiling of one of Black Hat Manor’s many sitting rooms with her phone in hand, waving it around like a lighter at a concert. Dissatisfied with the distance between her and her target, she grabbed the phone with the tip of her oddly prehensile ponytail and dangled it in front of Black Hat’s face.

“What could you possibly want that would warrant disturbing my reading time?” The eldritch in question sighed as he rested his book in his lap and snatched the phone from Demencia’s hand. He squinted at it like the old man he was, gaze flicking across the screen as he scrolled with his clawed thumb. He looked back up at Demencia as he returned her phone, which she stored somewhere in the mess of her hair.

“What is it? I didn’t really see anything spectacular about it,” Black Hat grumbled, tapping his foot impatiently against the polished hardwood floor.

“Did you not read it?” Demencia gasped in disbelief, and Black Hat couldn’t tell if it was exaggerated or not. He never knew with this woman. “Those are bath bombs! You put one in someone’s bath and--” she took in a deep breath-- “BOOM! It blows their whole damn house up!”

Black Hat visibly flinched when Demencia yelled and resisted the urge to hold his face in his hands. He sighed deeply; the potential for villainy was there, but it was always a game of Russian roulette when Demencia was involved.

“Fine. I’ll order them, try them out, and see after that if I can get Flug to make an improved version to sell. Now shoo, I don’t want to see you anymore. You’re giving me a headache,” he groaned with a wave of his hand.

The lizard hybrid dashed away, presumably to pester Flug or 5.0.5, leaving Black Hat to relish the moment of peace.

xox

Black Hat laid on a chaise lounge in yet another sitting room, a different book in his hand. He perked up from his relaxed position when he heard quick footsteps approach.

“Doctor,” he greeted with a nod of his head.

Flug nodded rapidly; from the movements of his chest, it was clear he was out of breath. Black Hat wondered where exactly he’d run from.

“What’ve you got there?” Black Hat gestured with his book to the package in Flug’s arms.

“Oh! I-I’d a-already forgotten what I was h-here for, s-sorry!” He extended his arms, nearly dropping the package. “It’s your, your um, o-order from, um—” he paused to look down at the label on the cardboard— “L-Lush, jefecito.”

“Ah,” Black Hat nodded and set his book down on a side table. “Here, give it here.”

Flug obeyed with quivering hands. “S-so sorry, je-jefe, Demencia has been t-trying my p-patience today.”

“Mhm,” Black Hat hummed dismissively, but looked at Flug after a second or two. A small smirk grew across his face as he jested, “When is she not?”

Flug laughed; though it still had a nervous undertone, it was genuine. “I don’t know, sir.”

Black Hat did his best to conceal a smile as he waved Flug off. “Go on, I’m sure you have work to do, doctor.”

“Yes, sir!” Flug was gone in an instant. Damn, that man was fast.

Black Hat looked at the package his scientist had delivered curiously. It was a bit smaller than what he’d expected, but that was fine. Small but deadly was efficient, after all.

After he realized he’d been staring for a weirdly long time, he used a fatally sharp talon to slice open the tape. Upon opening the cardboard flaps, he gagged as a strong smell assaulted his tongue. He picked one of the round, colorful bombs and flicked his tongue at it.

“Seems unnecessary,” he murmured, swallowing a cough, before placing the bomb back in its box.

“Flug!” he called. The house was built to carry his voice – and only his voice – throughout its entirety. Within only a few minutes, he was met with a panting (and no doubt sweaty) scientist.

Between heaving breaths, he managed to utter, “Yes, jefe?”  
“I need you to find me a home in the city with a bathtub for… personal experimentation,” Black Hat said while examining his claws. “Text me an address when you’ve got one. I expect it quickly, Flug. Don’t let me down.”

Flug opened his mouth to argue that ‘Jefe, you could’ve just texted me to begin with’ but decided against it. Instead he nodded and said “Yes, sir,” before sprinting back down to his lab.

xox

Dr. Flug set up cameras in the bathroom of a quaint apartment. A man lived there with his girlfriend and their cat, and they seemed to be out more often than in, so it wasn’t hard for his Hat Bots to find their way in to do his dirty work.

At this point in his career, the scientist had learned not to ask Black Hat questions. The dapper demon told one what he wanted them to know when he wanted them to know it.

That didn’t stop him from being curious, though. This had to be one of Black Hat’s strangest orders, and he was desperate to know the details, but he would be patient.

The eldritch himself delivered the bomb. He waited in the shadows of the home until one resident drew herself a bath – my, the human body truly was disturbing! – and left the room for whatever asinine reason. As stealthy as ever, he silently dropped the bomb in the warm water and teleported back to his manor.

Flug was sitting in the camera room, a space dedicated to every security feed in and around the manor, when Black Hat suddenly appeared in the chair beside him.

The doctor flinched violently and let out a loud curse. He’d been a little out of it – when was the last time he’d eaten, anyway? – and Black Hat’s abrupt arrival was, unfortunately, quite the aggressive way to snap him out of his zone.

“B-Black Hat, I d-didn’t realize you were g-gonna just… do that!” he yelped, to which the demon simply shrugged. His gaze roamed the security feeds until he located the live footage of the woman’s bath.

“Hmm,” he hummed to himself, “I don’t see any explosions yet. Perhaps they are time bombs… I do wish they’d specified that.”

“J-jefe?” Flug piped up quietly, fidgeting nervously with his jeans.

“Yeeeess?” Black Hat dragged the word out. He didn’t particularly like being interrupted.

“You… g-got those from Lush, r-right?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Um… well, y-you see, they’re n-not actual b-bombs.”

“Go on.”

“They’re… b-bath bombs.”

“Yes, I’m aware, you blabbering idiot.”

“S-sorry, um, w-what I mean to say is, is that they’re not a-actual bombs. They’re like, u-um, you put them in the bath, a-and they d-dissolve, and they l-look pretty a-and smell good.”

“So you mean to tell me I just spent precious money on bath time frivolities.”

“Um… yes.”

Black Hat leaned back in his seat and closed his eye. Flug watched him anxiously, gaze flicking back and forth from his boss’ hat and face to his hands, elegantly resting in the demon’s lap.

“Flug, do you know something?”

“I k-know a lot of things, j-jefe. I’m a d-doctor.”

The eldritch let out a long, tired sigh. “I am aware of that, Flug. What I meant is that sometimes I wish I was not immortal. I feel so much mortification right now that I wish I could die.”

“Oh…” Flug looked at his shoes and bit his lip, unsure of what to say.

“Unfortunately, I have to stay here and deal with whatever comes my way. Thankfully I have you to keep me sane, because dammit, sometimes this business drives me insane.”

“Oh! Um, t-thank you! I think.” A light blush dusted the scientist’s cheeks, and he was silently thankful for his bag.

“Doctor, I have another question.”

“W-what is it?”

“What is it like? A bath bomb, I mean.” Black Hat looked to the camera feed again. The woman was in the bath now, a cloth over her eyes. “I don’t want them to go to waste.”

“I-I don’t know, jefe, I’ve n-never used one.” Flug was back to fidgeting, his fingers twitching back and forth as he watched them.

“Hmmm…” Black Hat leaned forward again and looked to his scientist. “I want you to test one out for me, and report to me tomorrow with the results.”

Flug was quiet for a moment before his posture improved and his hands came together. “T-thank you, um, that sounds g-great! They’re s-supposed to be for, like, r-relaxation and d-destressing and stuff, s-so I think they would really b-benefit me!”

Black Hat rolled his eye, though there was an affectionate smile dancing across his lips. He waved at Flug to leave, and the scientist squeaked before running off, presumably to run a bath.

Maybe this mistake wasn’t so bad after all.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you liked it?? im just a baby though please dont hurt me
> 
> ((btw if any of you get the reference that the title is making.. ill do a prompt for you. paperhat or general villainous. ;3))


End file.
